Born in
Duluth, grew up in Los Angeles, emigrated to New York City and found a job modeling
at a dress manufacturing company.
Married the boss's son, had a boy, then a girl. Moved back to Los Angeles after the war with
husband and kids in tow. Founded and
became chief designer at dress company Sergee of California. Had a third child, a daughter. Divorced her husband, re-married a long-time
friend and ran with him a grocery distribution company, Angeles Supply. Had
three grand daughters, and four great-grandchildren by the time her long and
fruitful life ended painlessly and easily.
Those are
the bare outlines of a successful life.
But this was my mother, this was the woman who nourished and
supported me through thick and thin...and there was much more to Sergee
than the bare bones of her curriculum vitae.
What are my first memories of Sergee? Actually, I don't have many memories of childhood
except that I felt safe and loved and appreciated and even respected for intellectual
qualities that she supported even when she didn't understand them. What I do remember in large measure comes
from the present day evidence of Sergee’s devotion to photography, and filming
so much of her family’s lives. So much ahead
of her time, she would have been a master at doing Facebook and Instagram if
such existed in the ‘40s and ‘50s. But
first and foremost, she was a career girl.
So she delegated much of the raising of her kids to
caregivers...especially one treasured black lady, Carrie, that lived with our
family for many years. I could say they shared the task of motherhood; but Sergee
was always our "mom" in ways that mattered.
Those years
of my youth, I recall her passion for the beach and her appearance… and especially
her tan. She had an incredible make-up
table in an alcove of the master bedroom.
I loved to watch her dress up for nights out at the Coconut Grove or
Ciros, go through her huge collection of hats to get just the right co-ordinated
outfit together...and I have to admit that when I was alone I loved to play
with her rouge, eyelash curler and lipstick when I was a pre-teenager. She might
have noticed; but never confronted me about that. I also had a paper route in
those days; and when I was sick good ol' mom did the route for me. That's real devotion and support.
I went away
to college; and mom's life got complex when my dad went all bi-polar. Somehow she got through that and enjoyed a
new life with Abe, her second husband and the true love of her life. But through it all I never felt that my
mother did any less than dote on me. And
when I came out to her as gay (in those days it was very difficult to do, even
in a loving family), she was the kind of mother who immediately studied up on
the subject and joined a help-line at P-FLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians
and Gays.)
She lived a
contented life of work and travel with Abe.
She became famous at family gatherings for her clever doggerel poems
that always managed to get to the essentials of the people she was
celebrating. And then, she managed an
easy transition without complaint to assisted living when she started a long
mental decline after Abe died.
What did my
mom do for me? Well, I inherited her fabulous
sense of direction. We never let my dad drive...he was a distracted
driver. Mom did all the driving, knowing
the city backwards and forwards, until I
took over the family wheels with those same skills. She loved to play bridge and I learned the
game early and soon surpassed my parents
in skill...something that she took pride in.
In fact, the greatest gift that my mother gave me was instilling in me
the feeling of being truly loved…being safe, being confident because she was
always on my side always respectful of me as a person. Any success I've ever had in my life is a
direct result of her confidence in me.
And I can't stress how easy that made my later life.
Sergee wasn't the most demonstratively affectionate mother. She was more than that...the
quintessential working woman who also managed to run a nurturing home. Her greatest success, as I'm sure she would
admit, was that all three of her children, in their own way, have had
successful, happy and uniquely satisfying lives. This is no mean achievement. She was best at abetting admirable qualities
in her children that were nothing like herself.
She brought out the intellectual in me, without being intellectual
herself. She inspired the spiritual in
Nicki without an ounce of spirituality in her own makeup. And she encouraged Alison to a love of
Judaism, despite her own utter disinterest in religion.
I love my
mother beyond words in appreciation of her steadfast qualities of thrift and
manners, of easy non-judgmental propriety, and morality irrespective of
religion. And above all, her unselfish
devotion to those she loved.